The first post has always felt awkward for me. What ever I write will be here, marked here, for the rest of this blog's life, and unlike the future posts, it is with the first one that I define myself, show what I'm made of.
So I sit here, in my big black leather chair, in my office, trying to ignore the fascinating mulit-colored bubbles playing on the screen next to me, and enjoys the last bits of a Babe Ruth I just had. I'm on my third bottle of water for the day, and it's only 1 in the afternoon. An entirely uneventful day so far, mostly just piddling on the internet and finishing up something for my boss. The rest of my day will be filled with driving, and moving two rather large pieces of furniture into a UHAUL to be dragged to my new apartment. My mind has wandered everywhere today, thinking over things like love, life, friends, how freaking hot it is in here.
On the subject of love... well... Adam and I haven't really gotten to talk, been able to speak of where we are anymore. I would love to say that we are together and we will be together forever, that I'll be moving to be with him, but... I have responsibilities here, and Greece is far away. Maybe when things get more settled for the both of us... But for now, we are on the edge of the end.
On the subject of life... things are slowly moving forward. I have a steady, good job that pays me enough to survive, and I have a good apartment. Though things are still a bit rough between Lauren and I, hopefully they will get better once we both have a little money in our pockets.
On the subject of friends... I'm not sure. Some of my friendships have blossomed, but others are dead or dying. Even my best friends, it's rare for me to see them anymore since most of my days have been filled with work and trying to get the apartment together. I miss Karen so much, and I never hang out with Ashes anymore.
It's getting harder to keep a smile on my face. Most of these days I'm sad and lonely or furious. Happiness is a foreign concept now. Even last night I did something I've never done before, get drunk on my own, for the purpose of forgetting it all.
Where am I going?
Just trying to survive, living always just above empty.
